The Weight of Friendship

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Friendship is not just about having people to gist with or attend owambe parties together. It’s deeper than selfies or WhatsApp group chats.

In Nigeria, where we are often raised in communities that value relationships, friendship carries a weight that shapes who we are, how we navigate life, and how we survive the many battles that come our way.

But the truth is, friendship is heavy. Nobody warns you about how much it can demand from your heart, your time, and sometimes even your peace of mind.

The Weight of Showing Up

Let me tell you about a time I felt the weight of friendship deeply. It was during a tough period in my life when I needed surgery. My family was there, but so was my closest friend. Let’s call him Dee. Dee is not just my boyfriend; he’s also my biggest supporter.

He left his own responsibilities to sit with me at the hospital. He didn’t say much; he just held my hand, helped me adjust my pillows, and stayed quiet when the pain was too much for words.

But friendship is not always easy. There have been times I felt like I was doing all the showing up. I remember a particular friend; let me call him Nee (an imaginary name). We were so close once, but along the way, something shifted. I kept calling and texting, trying to keep us together, but he stopped replying. At some point, I realized I was the only one trying. The weight of holding on alone became unbearable, and I had to let go.

It hurt. I cried. I felt abandoned. But that’s the reality of friendship; sometimes, the weight isn’t shared equally, and you have to choose whether to keep carrying it or set it down.

The Nigerian Way of Friendship

In Nigeria, friendships are almost like family. Your friends are the ones who’ll contribute to your asoebi for your wedding, help you move out of your parents’ house, or lend you small money when you’re broke before the end of the month. Friendship here is deeply woven into our culture of communal living.

But that closeness can also make it harder. The expectations can feel suffocating. As someone who avoids confrontation, I’ve found myself apologizing even when I wasn’t wrong, just to keep the peace.

I remember one friend who I was very close with; she suddenly ghosted me for no reason. I called; I begged, but unfortunately, she had made her own decision. I settled it in my mind that the friendship was over, but that loss left a scar.

Why does friendship sometimes feel like a battlefield?

When You’re Friends with the Wrong People

Then there’s the weight of being friends with the wrong people. This one is heavy in a way that’s almost spiritual. There are friendships that feel like a trap, where you know deep down that this person is not good for you. You see the red flags, you feel the toxicity, and yet, it feels impossible to pull away.

It’s as if jazz is being used. You want to leave; you desperately want to cut ties, but you just can’t. It’s not logical, and it’s not something you can explain. Maybe it’s because of how long you’ve known them, or maybe it’s fear—fear of being alone, fear of what they might say about you, or fear of how they’ll react.

This is me being vulnerable: I’m still in one of those friendships. I know it’s not healthy for me. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve asked myself why I’m still holding on, and I honestly don’t know. It’s a daily struggle. I’m trusting God to help me pull out because I can’t do it on my own. It’s like carrying a heavy bag I’m not strong enough to drop, but I’m holding onto faith that I’ll get there someday.

The Weight of Silence

One of the heaviest parts of friendship is silence. There’s a friend I used to be so close to. We shared everything, from dreams to heartbreaks. But recently, I noticed she doesn’t call as often. When I call, she’s polite but distant. I’ve spent nights wondering what I did wrong, replaying our last conversations in my head.

In Nigeria, we don’t always talk about things like this. We bottle it up, hoping time will fix it. But the silence weighs heavily. Sometimes, you want to sit down and say, “What happened to us?” But you don’t, because you’re afraid of what the answer might be.

The Moments That Make It Worth It

For all its weight, friendship can be incredibly light. It’s in the way your friend will laugh at your dry jokes or hype you up when you’re feeling low. It’s in the little things: sharing agbado at a roadside joint, sending voice notes about that office wahala, or just sitting in comfortable silence.

Dee, my boyfriend, is one of those friends who reminds me why friendship is worth it. When I had no idea what to do with my life, Dee would remind me of my strengths, my capabilities, and how far I’d come. He didn’t fix my problems, but his words lightened the load I was carrying.

When Friendship Ends

Not every friendship is meant to last, and in Nigeria, where we often romanticize long-term friendships, it can feel like a failure when things fall apart. But I’ve learned that letting go doesn’t mean you don’t value what you had.

Sometimes, a friendship has run its course. Like the one I had with Nee, I’ve had to accept that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. It doesn’t mean the memories we shared weren’t real; it just means we’ve grown in different directions.

The Emotional Toll

Friendship is heavy, especially when you’re carrying unspoken words, unmet expectations, and unresolved conflicts. But it’s also beautiful. It’s in the moments when someone calls you “my person” or tells you they prayed for you.

Friendship isn’t perfect. It’s messy, raw, and sometimes painful. But it’s also deeply fulfilling. For every friend who leaves, there’s another who stays. For every tear shed over a broken bond, there’s laughter shared with those who remain.

So, I carry the weight of friendship with pride, knowing that the love, joy, and lessons it brings far outweigh the pain.

And when it gets too heavy, I remind myself: it’s okay to rest, to let go, and to make space for new connections. Because friendship, at its core, is about choosing to love and be loved over and over again.