SO I HIDE...
Taking a glimpse of myself
Naked, unappealing, and vulnerable
Not liking what I see
And can't imagine that anyone can see me as I am
And still love me unconditionally
So, I hide.
____________
Starving to be recognized, acknowledged, and appreciated
And affirmed, loved, and cared for
But no one noticed me, no one cares
Often feeling forgotten, ignored, discouraged, and invisible
Deep down inside, having a heart deep longing
To be seen -- really seen.
_____________
Above all, of course I long to be loved
This is the heart of the other needs
A deep desire to be seen by someone
Who loves me no matter what;
Past, present, and future
Someone committed to me and can love me
With unconditional love
Even when I’m less than lovable
Even, in fact, when I’m at my most unlovable.
_________________
Oh! Those yearning
God made me that way
It’s part of His original design for me
Seeing and being seen without shame
Loving and being loved without fear
Caring and being cared for without mixed motives
Endless fellowship with the God
Who saw me in His mind’s eye
Before He shaped me out of clay.
___________________
Looking down in shame my naked and vulnerable body
I can’t let anyone see who I am
I’ve got to cover up
Looking resentful and fearful
I’ve got to be careful
I can’t let down my guard
What if I’m betrayed?
What if who I’m isn’t enough?
______________________
Suddenly here I am
Crouching and hiding
Still yearning to be seen
Because that need was part of who I’m
Yet, absolutely terrified that the truth of
Who I am and what I’ve done would be revealed
I avoided and tried to escape the notice of the One I needed most of all
So, I hide.
___________________
My own sin, which makes me feel guilty and ashamed
The sin of others which hurt me
And causes my heart to wrench in pain
And teaches distrust and fear
And tempting me to sin some more
And the sinful condition of this world
Which makes it hard to imagine living any other way
So, I hide because I’ve been wounded in the past
Abused, laughed at, betrayed, abandoned
Treated as less than a beloved child of God.
____________________
Growing adept at hiding in plain sight
Making a point of being open and honest
And easy to know- except when it comes
To certain vulnerable part of my life
Learning to hide my heart by sharing my body
Using my outer nakedness to cover up inward pain
So, I hide.
23rd of September, 2018.
I read a book that brought about this poem. So bad, I can’t remember the name of the book.
Don’t be like me! Stop hiding!
