Navigating Life Without a Father: Finding Strength in Absence

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I’m not going to lie, growing up without the presence of a father is hard. His absence is beyond his person, but his guidance, support, and sense of security. I get really jealous when I see young girls hug their Daddies and tell them stuff, I wonder how it is so easy for them.

Going through life without my father is not just about me coping with what is lost, but learning to find strength, build resilience and create my own sense of self-worth.

Growing up as a young teenager, I had too many questions in my head to why he wasn't just part of our lives. It's one thing to live with your family, it's another thing to truly bond with the family you call your own.

His absence felt like he was rejecting us, even when it had nothing to do with us. I have noticed that children most times internalize their parent's choices which makes them feel inadequate, even when the reality of things is far more complicated.

At age 23, I concluded in my mind that my father's absence was more about him, his struggles than it was about me, and it was a crucial step to knowing and understanding that I needed to heal.

Navigating life without my father meant that I had to be independent and self-reliant very early. There were crucial times in my life that I longed for hugs, advice, and someone to turn to in moments of life's pressure. Occasionally, I just wanted to know that my Daddy was there, cheering me on.

Without him in our lives, I had to find those qualities in myself and other people who could provide me with love and support. Iya Tosin who happens to be my mum became my Dad too. Iya Tosin became a cornerstone of strength, and I learned to appreciate the relationship I had with my sisters and brothers. They obviously weren't my father, but they showed me love and guidance in their own way.

Along the line, learning to trust and form healthy relationship with guys became an issue because I just felt that they were never going to stay and guess what? Most of them never stayed. I think for a couple of years, I hated guys and all that they had to offer. Somehow, I just withheld myself from relating with guys due to fear of abandonment and the belief that they would leave just as my father did.

It made me question my worth and if I was good enough around guys, but overtime, I learned that my worth is not defined whether someone stays or leaves, it is defined by who God created me to be, how I treat others and the value I bring into my world.

I had to tell myself that I didn't have to be perfect for people to like or love me, and that their absence or presence in my life doesn't reflect my own personal value.

My Father’s absence also helped me understand the importance of self acceptance. Sporadically, I just felt that I wasn’t enough, as though something was fundamentally wrong with me. But then, the fact that he wasn’t there shouldn’t diminish the quality of my life or my ability to build a happy and fulfilling life.

Ultimately, life without my father's presence is a journey of discovering myself and learning to embrace my path, even when it doesn't follow the one I wanted for myself. I'm finding strength in his absence each day and also realizing that his presence can be important, but then, my life is defined by far more than what is missing.

Through my journey, I have discovered that the love, wisdom, and security I once sought from my father can be found in me and the connections I've chosen to build.

To everyone who has had to navigate life without their father, your strength is seen in every step. The absence is quite heavy, but I must remind you that you carry it with so much grace.

As much as you can, surround yourself with so much love, lean on those that truly cares for you, find solace in God, and remember that you're never alone. Your journey and story is still full of purpose, and in you lies everything needed to keep you moving.

I’m rooting big for you.